OB-Bound Since Childhood, Drinking, And Failure

“I wanted to be an Obstetrician since I was in first grade and asked where babies come from. I remember looking up the word in 6th grade so I would know how to spell what I wanted to become. I worked at Planned Parenthood in LA after my M1 year and loved it, taking a 2 hr commute each way. I came back to my M2 year and my boyfriend (who I was living with) broke up with me so I had to move out. I ended up living with some med school friends, but I started drinking again, as I became more social (my bf had shut me off from people and I’m incredibly shy). I got more and more depressed as M2 year went on. The drinking, being lonely, plus the fact that we don’t actually help anybody, so what’s the point? When 3rd year started, things began to get better. I started going to AA, went to counseling, and even though I liked rotations better than studying I still really struggled because I was so shy. The attendings¬†looked right past me, and some gave me horrible reviews. I applied to 40+ programs with solid grades and scores. I interviewed at 9, and ranked 9. I didn’t match anywhere. I scrambled nine times (three times per day for three days) and nothing came through. I’ve been 100% committed to OB my whole life. Now I’m getting a graduate degree and hoping that when I reapply, something different happens.”